While Looking for Her
by nantasyland
Summary: Set after the conclusion of Season 2. Merlin's secret is discovered while he and Arthur are looking for Morgana. He rescues Arthur from a vengeful king, but must run for his life from his destiny.
1. Chapter 1

While Looking for Her

Chapter 1

Merlin struggles with the two men who are holding him in a tight grip, unable to free himself to help Arthur. He watches helplessly as Arthur wields his sword against two opponents at once. As one falls, another appears to battle Arthur, and Merlin sees that more are on their way. The fight looks hopeless. He cannot allow Arthur to fall this way, here in the forest in the middle of nowhere, unmarked and unremembered. As one of Arthur's assailants raises his sword to deliver a fatal blow, Merlin reaches for his magic buried deep inside. He has to protect Arthur. His eyes burn golden, and all of the attackers, his and Arthur's, are flung backwards, dead. Arthur, still swinging his sword, spins around to see Merlin's golden eyes returning to their normal blue, and yells in anger and fear, "You're a sorcerer!" Arthur's sword continues on its trajectory towards Merlin as Merlin screams, "Arthur! No!" and wakes, his heart pounding, gasping for breath.

He is in his own bed in the small room in the chambers he shares with Gaius. It's not yet near dawn, but Merlin doesn't think he'll be able to fall back asleep. He shivers from the sweat drying on his skin. Merlin is shaken to his core. "_Where did that come from?_" he wonders. "_Would Arthur really kill me so easily if he found out?_"

He has been Arthur's manservant for more than two years, and feels that he has earned some measure of the Prince's trust and friendship. But obviously something deep down in him still fears that Arthur will react as he's been taught by his father all his life – that sorcerers are evil and should be executed. Merlin shivers again in the night air, not with the cold but with the knowledge that Arthur could very well be the instrument of Merlin's death if his secret were revealed. No one can ever know.

He leans over the side of his bed swinging down to retrieve his magic book from its hiding place in the floor. He remembers the riches of the library that he found on the Western Isles and wishes that he had been able to bring home that book of healing that Galapas had given him. He knew at the time that it would be too dangerous to have a book of magic among his few meager possessions when he followed Arthur home. Even Arthur might have noticed. For now, he has only this book, and what Gaius can teach him. But the magic in the book soon captures his soul, and he loses himself in his reading. He doesn't try to fall back asleep.

xXx

A few hours later, Merlin's in Arthur's rooms flinging open the drapes by the windows in the bedchamber, flooding the room with bright morning sunlight. "Rise and shine!" he sings out.

"Mmph," he hears from the vicinity of the bed.

"Are you mumbling at me? Wake up!"

"Go away," Arthur says from deep within the bed covers.

"Your breakfast is on the table," Merlin says. "Whenever you're ready."

"Cold as usual, I assume." Arthur stumbles out of bed to go behind the changing screen as Merlin hands him his red tunic.

"Well, you have to get up very early in the morning if you want a hot breakfast, Sire." Merlin tells him with a grin. "A lot earlier than I do."

xXx

Arthur sweeps his sword above his head to work up momentum before aiming for his target. The movement helps strengthen his sword arm and improves flexibility in his wrist. Merlin watches from a bench off to the side near the ramparts, while he runs the whetstone over one of Arthur's daggers. He's always thought that Arthur was a bit of a show off when he did that: a move meant to intimidate rather than to gain any physical advantage. But still, he does recognize the value of repetitive movement to build strength and agility.

Merlin's learned quite a lot in the time he's been in Camelot, if only from watching Arthur and his knight go through their drills. Arthur tells him little about the practicalities of military training, but Merlin is observant. He has no interest in learning it for himself; he's confident that his magic will protect him – and Arthur – without the need to engage in actual physical combat. Yet Merlin yearns for the respect that Arthur bestows so generously on his fellow knights because of their combat skills. He craves the trust that Arthur offers his comrades in arms without question. And sometimes he despairs that Arthur will ever know him for who he really is and accept his magic. His dream from the night before still haunts him. So he watches, if only to understand the code of honor and skill that Arthur values.

Merlin is torn from his reverie when he spies a figure come onto the training ground. It's a bright sunny day, so he has to raise a hand to shade his eyes to see who is approaching to speak to Arthur. He recognizes Robert, a young page in Uther's household. Robert calls out to the prince, who disengages from sparring with Sir Lionel to hear his message. At a summoning gesture from Arthur, Merlin gets to his feet and saunters over.

"Merlin, gather my things," Arthur says. "I need to attend the King on an urgent matter." Merlin pockets the whetstone and hands Arthur the dagger.

Arthur grabs the dagger and slots it in his sword belt with a nod, and then lopes off the training field, heading into the castle. Merlin gathers Arthur's cloak and shield, and follows Arthur, trailing a few steps behind.

"What do you suppose he wants?" Merlin asks.

"Well, we'll find out soon enough, won't we?" Arthur snaps. "Shut up and keep walking."

When they enter the throne room, Arthur strides down the length of it in the center of the room, while Merlin slips behind the courtiers gathered at the sides, making his way to stand next to Gaius.

Arthur takes his accustomed place to stand the right of his father. He looks toward the window, to his father's left and feels keenly Morgana's absence. She's been missing for more than six months now. He vividly remembers bursting into the bare council room after the Knights of Medhir inexplicably collapsed, to see Morgana gasping for breath, held in Morgause's arms, Merlin hovering over them looking tormented. Then that swirling wind swept the two women away into thin air. There had been magic at work that day – dark magic – that Morgause used to steal Morgana from them. Arthur and the Knights of Camelot have been searching for her since, chasing down hints of rumors that Morgana had been sighted.

Arthur reins in his memories, and focuses his attention on the man standing facing the King, next to Sir Bors, Uther's chamberlain. The man appears to be a poor shepherd, dressed in rough woolens and a sheepskin vest. He stands with his head bent in fear of the King, yet eager to deliver his message in the hopes of a reward. Sir Bors puts his hand on the man's shoulder to encourage him.

"Tell us why you told my chamberlain you had to speak to us personally," Uther commands the man standing in front of him.

"I . . uh, Your Majesty . . uh," he starts.

"Out with it, man," Uther interrupts impatiently.

"Yes, my Lord." The shepherd licks his lips nervously and takes a deep breath. "I live in the village of Tomtun, which is over the border from Camelot, in Mercia. I was tending my flock on the eastern slopes when I saw them in the distance."

"Who?" Uther demands.

"Two women. On horseback. Riding east." Uther makes an impatient gesture with his hand, directing the man to get on with his tale. "One of my dogs, a young one, not fully trained, spotted the riders and ran toward them barking. One of the women turned in her saddle, and put down her hood. She held out her hand and my dog was silenced. I saw her blond hair and her face – it was the Priestess Morgause."

"And the other woman," Arthur interjects. "What of her?"

"I don't know, Sire. She sat quietly on her horse, and did not reveal her face. I saw only dark hair escaping from under her hood."

"Morgana," Uther breathes. "It must be." He sits down, as if his legs could hold him upright no longer.

"Father, we must go after her," Arthur asserts.

"Yes." Uther agrees. "Take a small group of knights to investigate and report back if you cannot rescue her."

Sir Bors steps forward. "Sire," he says, "If I may speak?"

Uther looks at him and nods his assent.

Bors looks grim as he speaks. "We need to find her before they reach the capital. Bayard may capture her and try to use her to gain information about the citadel's defenses. He's never been much of a friend to Camelot, and even less so since that incident with the poisoned chalice."

"Sir Bors is right," Arthur says. "We must rescue her and bring her home before Morgana is found by Bayard."

Merlin hears this, and thinks, "_It can't be! She's alive?_" He is terrified of what Uther's reaction would be to the revelation that he poisoned Morgana, should she be found and rescued. "_Morgana is dead. I killed her. I'm sure of it_."

"Leave at dawn," Uther commands.

xXx

Later, after he has made arrangements with the kitchens for food and Master Seward for the horses for the trip, Merlin is in Arthur's chambers, packing his saddlebags. Arthur is standing by the window, with a goblet of water in his hand. "Have you got everything, Merlin?" he asks.

"You've already checked it twice." Merlin says, "Shall I unpack so you can check again?"

Arthur snorts, but doesn't answer. He looks distracted.

Merlin says quietly, "Arthur, are you sure this is something we should be doing? She's been gone almost a year. How could she have survived?"

"Yes, Merlin. I'm sure." Arthur answers. "She survived. I know she did. She's stronger than everyone thinks. We will find her.


	2. Chapter 2

While Looking for Her

Chapter 2

That night, Merlin has the same dream. He struggles with the two men who are holding him in a tight grip, unable to free himself to help Arthur. He watches helplessly as Arthur wields his sword against two opponents at once. As one falls, another appears to battle Arthur, and Merlin sees that more are on their way. The fight looks hopeless. How can he allow Arthur to fall this way, here in the forest in the middle of nowhere, unmarked and unremembered? But he cannot reveal his secret. As one of Arthur's assailants raises his sword to deliver a fatal blow, Merlin does nothing. He holds his breath and watches in horror as Arthur falls. Merlin screams, "Arthur! No!" and wakes once again with his heart hammering, gasping for breath.

This time, his fear is not for himself at Arthur's reaction to his magic, but the fact that he didn't use it to save Arthur. In his own dream, he failed in his destiny. He failed to save Arthur. He had been prepared to die for Arthur in the past, why not now? What did this dream say about his loyalty to his prince? Was he really the coward Arthur always said he was? When it came to a choice between concealing who he really was and doing what was right, was this what he would choose?

For the second night in a row, he can't get back to sleep immediately, but this time he doesn't seek solace in reading his hidden magic book. Merlin lies awake, waiting for his heart to slow down from its frantic pounding and his own shame at his failure. Was there a way to employ his magic without ever being detected? After a long while, he finally falls back into an uneasy, troubled sleep.

xXx

At dawn, Arthur is in the courtyard with two other knights, ready to depart for Mercia. Arthur paces impatiently in front of the stables, his breath puffing out in the chill early morning air. He stops abruptly near Tyr Seward, who holds the reins of the horses for Arthur and Merlin, to look at the figure dashing toward him.

Merlin crosses the courtyard at a run, shouldering his pack and trying to fasten his grey wool cloak at the same time. "Sorry I'm late, Sire."

"I've gotten used to it," Arthur snorts. "Late, yes, fine. But you never showed up at all this morning."

"I overslept."

"Let's get moving, then. Now you're here," Arthur bites out. He bows mockingly, making a sweeping gesture with his hand. "If it's okay with you, that is."

"Yes, Sire." Merlin takes the horse's reins and smiles his thanks at Tyr, who nods.

Arthur and Merlin mount up and trot out of the citadel, with Merlin immediately following Arthur, the two knights at the rear, their winter capes billowing behind them. They take the road heading northeast, toward Mercia. Once past the lower town, they spur their horses to a gallop, the cold wind whipping in their faces. It's early spring, and there are still patches of snow in the forest where the weak spring sun hasn't penetrated. The air is clear, if chill, and the four men make good progress.

During the ride out from Camelot, Merlin sits silently on his horse, wrapped up to his nose in his grey winter cloak. Arthur glances over to him, finding Merlin's unaccustomed silence a bit unnerving. After a few hours he has to speak, when they've slowed their pace to rest the horses.

"What is the matter with you, Merlin?" Arthur says. "You're half asleep today."

"Not sleeping well, Sire. Bad dreams."

"Like Morgana used to have?"

"I certainly hope not," Merlin shudders, remembering how prophetic Morgana's nightmares were.

xXx

After two days of travel on roads and through the woods, they are well inside the kingdom of Mercia. Arthur's plan was to disguise himself as a merchant traveler, with a servant and guards. They have all worn warm woolen cloaks without the Camelot markings to conceal their identity.

Their inquiries so far in the towns and habitations they've visited have yielded no new information about two women who had been seen traveling east, alone on horseback. His next move, he has concluded, is to venture into the capital city to widen the scope of possible witnesses. They should arrive there the next day.

They make camp that night in a small clearing in the woods near a stream. Merlin immediately starts bustling about their campsite, making the fire, fetching water, and arranging bedrolls. Arthur and the two knights skirt the perimeter, gathering more wood and looking for small game in the hopes of a better dinner than dried meat and fruit. Their efforts are rewarded in the form of a duck that swam too slowly in a nearby pond. Merlin swiftly plucks it and cleans it with his pocketknife, setting it to cook on a spit over the fire. He sits back on his haunches, pleased with himself and, for the moment, content not to think about the purpose of this excursion. Arthur and the knights sit and talk companionably, waiting for the meat to cook.

After their meal, Merlin collects the others' water bottles and takes them to the stream to refill. He returns to the campsite and leaves a bottle next to each saddle, to be ready for the morning's ride. He sees that Arthur is comfortably seated, leaning against a tree with his feet outstretched to the fire. The other two men have wrapped themselves in their cloaks in their bedrolls and are already asleep. He walks over to Arthur.

"Is there anything else you need, Sire?"

"No, Merlin. Sit a while." Merlin takes a seat on a fallen log, wrapping his cloak around himself, close to where Arthur sits relaxed. After a few moments of silence, Arthur says, "what do you think she hoped to accomplish?"

"Who?" Merlin leans forward and snaking his hand out through an opening in his cloak, adds some more wood to the fire, poking it with a stick, avoiding Arthur's gaze.

"Morgause, you idiot. Who else?"

"I think she meant to destroy Camelot. If everyone fell asleep, eventually we would have all died there where we slept."

"Yes," Arthur says considering this. "But what would she have won? A dead city with dead inhabitants." He pauses for a moment, and adds, "all but Morgana."

Merlin studies Arthur's face in the firelight. He can see the concentration with which Arthur is trying to reason through what he witnessed that day when the Knights of Medhir attacked. "Maybe that's what she was after from the beginning?" Arthur questions.

"Morgana?"

"Yes." Arthur is thoughtful. "Morgause used powerful magic to control the Knights of Medhir. It must have been her power. When she found Morgana in the council chambers, she didn't need the Knights anymore, so she could release them. She could then use her magical power to steal Morgana away. With the sorceress who cast the spell gone, everyone would wake up."

"But why would she do that?"

"That's what I don't understand. If she kidnapped her for some purpose to threaten Camelot, wouldn't we have heard from her? A demand for ransom or something?"

"Maybe she meant to steal Morgana away to influence her," Merlin suggests.

"To do what?" Arthur wonders. "I'm sure she's unharmed, Merlin. I know how you feel about her. I could see in your face how upset you were when Morgause used her magic to take her away."

"Yes," Merlin says softly. "That was it."

"Don't worry. We'll find her and bring her home."

"That's exactly what worries me," Merlin thinks to himself. "Yes, Sire" is what he says.


	3. Chapter 3

While Looking for Her

Chapter 3

Shortly after dawn, they are attacked by a group of bandits. In the first few moments of chaos and confusion, the knights accompanying Arthur are killed. Arthur rouses immediately when he hears the disturbance, and shakes Merlin awake. Arthur leaps to his feet, sword at the ready to engage the bandits as they attack. Merlin takes up a sword from a fallen knight, and stands a little ways from Arthur, clumsily trying to defend himself. The attacker easily disarms him, and Merlin is grabbed from behind by two other bandits.

Merlin struggles with the two men who are holding him in a tight grip; he's unable to free himself to help Arthur. He watches helplessly as Arthur wields his sword against two opponents at once. Arthur falls, and Merlin sees that more men are on their way. He cannot allow Arthur to fall this way, here in the forest in the middle of nowhere, unmarked and unremembered. Arthur is scrambling to regain his feet, slashing with his sword at one of his attackers. As the other assailant raises his sword to deliver a fatal blow, Merlin ducks his head to hide his eyes, making a quick spell that causes Arthur's attacker to drop his sword and stumble to the ground, cradling his hands. He can't manage a release from his own two captors without being seen using magic and divulging his secret.

When Arthur jumps up to his feet having killed his attacker, Merlin screams, "Arthur! Run! Now!" Arthur's head whips around to see where Merlin is, losing precious seconds needed to make his own escape. The men who had been approaching reach him, and overpower him. Arthur falls again. He's unable to fend off the attack of the group that now surrounds him.

Merlin and Arthur are restrained, and forced to kneel on the hard ground, hands bound.

"Arthur, why didn't you run? You could have gotten away."

"Right, and then what would you have done?"

"I dunno. But you would have been safe."

"Merlin, you idiot. You could have been killed."

"I hate to interrupt," another voice does just that. "But who are you? And what are you doing here?"

"We're looking for two women who were seen riding east on the road to the capital," Arthur says. "Who are you?"

"Name's Cuthbert. And you're my prisoners. I don't know nothing about two women."

"What do you want with us, Cuthbert?" Arthur demands.

"Arthur. I heard the servant call you Arthur. Who are you?"

Arthur answers, "let my servant go. He's useless anyway."

"No, Arthur! Don't . . ."

Merlin starts to protest and is struck across the mouth by one of the bandits. "Shut yer yap."

Another bandit walks up holding Arthur's saddlebag with the crest of Camelot embossed on the flap. He hands it to Cuthbert who holds it up to show Arthur and smiles.

"No, I think he'll prove useful, Arthur Pendragon." Cuthbert sneers. "You both will prove useful – and profitable."

Merlin and Arthur are kept in separate areas of the bandits' encampment, bound hand and foot, and gagged. The bandits know of the value of Arthur Pendragon as their prisoner, so they treat him with some degree of care. But Merlin doesn't have that measure of protection, and bears the brunt of their anger for the deaths of their comrades. His protests and struggles earn him a swift kick after he's thrown to the ground. Merlin curls up on himself, whimpering as he breathes through the pain in his ribs and belly, his ears and magic alert for any sounds of pain from Arthur. He hears none; he feels none. He closes his eyes in relief.

xXx

One of the bandits rides into Camelot, mounted on Merlin's horse. He trots up to the guard at the main gate. "I bear a message for the King," he declares to the guard. "About the Crown Prince." He leans down from the horse to give the guard a sealed letter. Then he turns and gallops out back through the gate. The guard looks at the letter, then over to his fellow guard, who nods. The first man leaves his post in search of someone to whom he can entrust the message for the King.

He walks quickly toward the training field where he knows the knights are at practice. He sees Aurelius, Sir Leon's squire standing closest, watching the exercises. "Aurelius," he calls. The young man turns around to see who called him.

"What is it?" Aurelius asks.

"A rider just came to deliver a message about the Prince for the King. Please can you see that it is delivered?"

Aurelius hastens over to the guard to retrieve the letter he's holding out. "Thanks for this," he says. "I'll take it to the King myself." He leaves the training area and heads into the Citadel to find the King. The guards admit him into the council chambers where Uther sits at the head of the table studying a parchment, quill in his left hand. Other documents are strewn about, and an open inkwell at the ready is nearby.

"Sire, forgive the intrusion," Aurelius says breathlessly, "this was just delivered." He holds up the letter for Uther to see. "It's about Prince Arthur." He walks down the length of the room to give it to Uther.

Uther drops the parchment and puts the quill into the inkwell; he reaches out his hand with an impatient gesture to Aurelius for the letter he bears. "Do you know what it contains?" he asks.

"No, Your Majesty, only . . . only that a guard said a rider came bearing it and saying that it must be delivered to you," he stammers. Aurelius is the only son of Uther's brother Ambrosius, and he had come to Camelot almost a year ago to squire for Sir Leon. King Uther always made him a bit nervous

"It's written in Arthur's hand. I'd recognize it anywhere." Uther turns the message in his hand, reluctant to open it. He looks up at Aurelius, "thank you, nephew, you may go." Aurelius bows and turns around to leave the room. "Wait," Uther says. "Please find Sir Bors and ask him to attend me immediately."

"Yes, Sire." Aurelius bows again and this time makes his exit. Uther breaks the wax seal on the letter, unfolds the paper and reads it twice through, frowning.

A few minutes later, the guard at the door announces Sir Bors, who enters with a bow. "You sent for me, Sire?" he asks.

Uther says nothing, but gestures for Bors to approach. When he reaches Uther's side, the King hands him the letter, saying, "it's a ransom note."

Sir Bors quickly scans the contents of the letter. "It looks like Arthur's hand."

"Yes, it appears that he was used as scribe to write a ransom and for himself and his servant."

"Arthur is in Mercia," Bors reasons, "but I don't think that this is Bayard's doing."

"No, this lot appears to be motivated by the hope of a reward. The note says we don't pay, they'll kill Arthur and his servant." Uther looks at Sir Bors, "respond as they instruct and arrange for the money to be delivered only for Arthur, not his servant."

Bors bows and leaves the room, holding the letter and thinking of the cruelty of forcing Arthur to pen the note threatening his own life.

xXx

In his castle in the Mercian capital city, King Bayard has also received a message from the bandit leader holding Arthur and Merlin, seeking a payment. Cuthbert stands before him in the Mercian throne room, held by the two guards that had brought him in. He waits, looking around at the courtiers and soldiers gathered before the throne as King Bayard reads the parchment he had just been given. At Bayard's gesture, the guards release the man and step back. Bayard rises from his throne and walks a few steps to his chamberlain, one of the courtiers standing nearby, and hands him the note to read.

"Where is he now?" Bayard asks.

"Safe and sound in our camp, a day's ride away." Cuthbert smirks. "I thought you might be interested. You're no friend to Camelot I hear, Your Majesty."

Bayard sniffs. "Why should we believe you?"

"The note your friend holds was penned by the Crown Prince of Camelot himself. You see his signature."

Bayard glances at his chamberlain who nods back at him. If this is true, then Arthur would be in his grasp to wreak his revenge on Camelot and on King Uther. Bayard has waited a long time to retaliate for his own imprisonment in Camelot's filthy cells. He had been accused of lacing with poison the wine in the goblet gifted to Arthur, on the word of a serving boy. Bayard and his retinue had been released ultimately, but the insult was never redressed.

With Arthur is in his hands, he would hold the advantage over Uther and could demand concessions from Camelot. With information Arthur possessed, he could even attack Camelot and defeat her, should he wish to do so. He could ransom Arthur himself and demand recompense. But one way or the other, Uther would pay for the insult that Bayard was forced to endure.

"Come see for yourself. If we haven't the goods, you don't have to pay." Cuthbert adds.

"Arrange for payment," he tells his chamberlain. "For Arthur only. I don't care about his servant," he says to Cuthbert.

xXx

At the appointed hour, Sir Bors and another knight, who is leading Llamri ready to carry Arthur home, arrive at the meeting point to deliver the ransom for Arthur as instructed. In subsequent communication with the bandits after the original note, also written in Arthur's hand, Cuthbert had set the terms and price for Arthur's release. His servant was not included in the arrangement.

Bors consults the map he holds in his hand. He has reached the designated location, and he looks around apprehensively. He is on a broad windy hilltop overlooking a fast moving river swollen from spring rains and snowmelt from the mountains. Commanding the hilltop is a configuration of large stones, forming a lopsided circle. Many of the stones had fallen over. In the center of the circle was a large rectangular stone, shaped like a giant's grave. The wind swirls around the stones, ruffling his hair and lifting the edges of his cape. He shivers and draws his cloak closer around himself. It is cold in the wind, despite the sunshine.

The instructions had said to leave the ransom on the large center stone in a leather pouch wrapped up in a knight's cloak. Bors dismounts, and lifts the bundle from the back of his horse, placing it on the stone in the middle of the circle. He mounts his horse again, and rides back to the edge of the circle to wait with his companion knight, who is holding Arthur's horse. For a while, nothing happens.

Suddenly, seemingly our of nowhere, a masked man rides in at a gallop, leans down to scoop up the package off the center stone. He wheels around and rides away back where he came from. On the far side of the circle, Bors sees another horseman push a body from his horse letting it drop to the ground, and then spur his horse away.

Bors rides toward the body lying on the grass at the other end of the stone circle. As he approaches, the man manages to get to his knees. His hands are bound in front and he is wearing a hood. But it is clearly not Arthur. Bors jumps from his horse when he reaches the man kneeling on the ground and removes the hood. He lowers the gag over the man's mouth, and Merlin gasps, "where's Arthur?"


	4. Chapter 4

While Looking for Her

Chapter 4

King Bayard and his men have arrived at the bandits' encampment to meet with Cuthbert, the bandit's leader. The encampment is at the side of a stream, backed by a cliff face, surrounded by dense woods. The men around the camp are organizing their belongings and packing up, to be ready to ride as soon as Cuthbert's business is completed.

"A pleasure doing business with you," Cuthbert says as Bayard's chamberlain hands him a pouch with the payment for Arthur. Cuthbert shoulders the pouch and whistles sharply.

Arthur is brought up to Cuthbert, hands bound behind his back, with a hood on his head. He is struggling with his captors, resisting them at each step they force him to take. He is handed over to two of Bayard's men. The hood is removed.

"Good to see you again, Prince Arthur," Bayard says.

Arthur continues to struggle with the men holding him, making inarticulate noises around the gag in his mouth. Bayard steps up to him and removes the gag.

"What do you want, Bayard?" Arthur spits out. "Let me go."

"I thought you might enjoy a visit in Mercia similar to the welcome I experienced in Camelot."

"I've done nothing to you." Arthur looks at him defiantly. "My father will mislike this treatment when he finds out."

"Oh, I will be sure to tell him. You will experience the humiliation I felt at his hands."

"He'll attack. Do you really want a war with Camelot?"

"I don't think so, Arthur. Your father and I are reasonable men. I'm sure we can reach an agreement on what to do with you." He laughs. "Gag him," he says, handing the cloth to another soldier standing nearby.

Arthur is dragged away by Bayard's men to a waiting horse, where he is lifted up and tied so that he cannot escape.

xXx

"Where's Arthur?" shouts Sir Bors, delivering a stunning blow to the side of Merlin's head that knocks him over sideways. "We paid the ransom for Arthur, not you! Why isn't he here?"

"I don't know," Merlin cries, looking around, his head ringing. "We were separated."

Merlin struggles to try to stand, fighting the dizziness caused by the blow. He reaches out his bound hands to steady himself on one of the vertical stones. At the touch his magic senses the elemental power of the configuration of stones. He looks around, dazed. The circle is not unlike the standing stone circle he had rebuilt in the Western Isles. The immense ancient stones focus the power of the earth and the center stone summons the power of the spheres when they align at the right times of year; Merlin can feel magic pulsing under his hands. He removes his hands from the stone and shakes his head to clear it. No time for this now.

He turns back to face Bors. "The men came for me this morning and took me away."

"But where is Arthur?"

"He must still be held by the bandits. Please untie me, Sir Bors." He holds his hands up to the other man. "I must go back to find him."

Bors pulls out his knife and saws at the leather thong binding Merlin's hands. Merlin makes a move away from him. "Wait, Merlin, we'll look for him together," he says.

But Merlin cannot wait. Arthur is in danger; he _knows_ this. Merlin sees that Bors had brought Llamri for Arthur; she's standing beyond the far edge of the stone circle, held by the other knight. He whistles and looks straight at the horse across the distance of the circle, closing his eyes to hide the gold, thinking, _"Llamri, come to me."_

The horse picks up her head and snorts. She shakes her head, then suddenly rears up, startling the knight holding her reins. Her surge forward to obey Merlin's command tears the reins from his hand, and she trots around the outside edges of the standing stone circle to reach Merlin. She halts in front of him. He strokes her nose, then mounts quickly. Merlin grabs her reins and gallops off in the direction where he thinks the bandits' encampment is. He casts his magic out to find the path ahead to locate Arthur. His sense of urgency that Arthur is in danger drives him and spurs Llamri on.

When he gets to the top of the cliff overlooking Cuthbert's encampment, he slows the horse to a walk to watch from a distance. There is no sign of Cuthbert or any of his men. Instead, the men he sees appear to be soldiers wearing Mercian livery. Merlin studies the scene below, searching for a sign of Arthur. He sees King Bayard barking out orders to his men to organize their departure. Arthur is bound and gagged, tied to a horse being led by one of Bayard's men leaving the camp with King Bayard and his men. Merlin follows.

xXx

Sir Bors stares after Merlin galloping off on Arthur's horse, hands fisted at his sides in frustration. _"That idiot!_" he thinks to himself. He decides that the king must be told immediately that Arthur was not released as promised, and that he intended to look for him. He sends the other knight to ride hard back to Camelot to deliver his message to Uther and request assistance. A patrol from Camelot would do better to follow his trail to find Arthur and to carry out a rescue.

Furious with Merlin for tearing off on Llamri, Bors mounts his own horse and follows Llamri's trail to try to stop the boy from doing something foolish to endanger the prince. The tracks lead him along the edge of a cliff face, overlooking a narrow valley with a stream meandering through it. He looks down at the camp that the bandits had recently abandoned. He follows the tracks on the trail as it descends to the east, leading him deeper into the heart of Mercia.

As daylight starts to fade, he catches sight of Merlin standing quietly in the woods near a small clearing, watching Bayard's men make camp for the night. Bors looks around carefully before making a move to approach Arthur's servant. Merlin is so intent on his observation of the camp that he seems unaware of his surroundings.

But Merlin must have been spotted; Bors sees one of Bayard's men stealthily approach Merlin from behind. Before Bors can alert Merlin to another's presence, he sees that Merlin must have sensed the soldier's approach because Merlin suddenly spins around, eyes flashing gold, with his hands held rigidly in front of him. The soldier is flung back, collapsing against a tree, dead. Merlin slowly lowers his hands as his eyes return to their normal vibrant blue. He looks down at the soldier with sorrow and regret written on his face. Then he glances up and sees Bors watching. His eyes widen in fear.


	5. Chapter 5

While Looking for Her

Chapter 5

Bors is stunned at what he has just seen. It was magic; there is no doubt. He draws his sword and walks toward Merlin steadily, but cautiously. Merlin doesn't move as Bors closes in. "Merlin!" he hisses. "What have you done?"

"What?" Merlin stares at him, wide-eyed. "Sir Bors, I didn't know you were there."

"Clearly not! You wouldn't have used magic if you did," Sir Bors says quietly, pressing his sword into Merlin's chest. "Sit."

Merlin sits, the sword holding him in place. "Magic? What are you talking about?"

"I saw you, Merlin. You have magic. What would Arthur do if he knew?"

"Wait, no . . . I can explain," Merlin stammers.

Bors is not going to back down from his accusations. He jabs the tip of his sword hard enough to break the skin through the fabric of Merlin's tunic, and sharply enough to draw blood from Merlin's chest. "I saw you. You can't deny it."

Merlin holds his hands out in front of himself in a pleading gesture. "Please. I have to save him."

Sir Bors is Uther's man and shares Uther's views on the evil of sorcery. He also shares Uther's view of Merlin as a clumsy mouthy idiot. And he too had observed the close bond between Prince Arthur and his servant. He's seen how Arthur keeps Merlin at his side, even though, efficient chamberlain that he is, Bors feels that Merlin's services could have been put to better use on other chores around the castle. And like Uther, he also doesn't understand why Arthur would tolerate the boy's insolence and familiarity. Perhaps sorcery was the explanation. This boy . . this _sorcerer_ has been living among them all; he's brought magic into the heart of Camelot.

And yet the boy doesn't appear to be evil; just now, all he could think of was saving Arthur. Bors hesitates. "And how do you intend to do that?" Bors asks, holding his sword steady, keeping Merlin pinned.

"By any means necessary," Merlin says simply, calmly.

"With magic?"

"If I must." Merlin looks resolute.

Bors presses his advantage. "I should kill you here where you sit. Uther will have you executed when we return to Camelot."

"I won't."

"Won't what?"

"Return to Camelot. I beg you, don't tell the King until Prince Arthur is safe. By then I promise I will be gone far from Camelot. I need to protect Arthur." Merlin pleads, "please, Sir Bors, keep my secret for now."

Bors looks at Merlin, measuring him, perplexed by the serving boy's unwavering loyalty. "For now. Let's rescue Arthur first." Bors relents, lifts his sword, and takes a seat across from Merlin. He thrusts his sword into the ground at the ready for his hand, thinking he has spared the life of a sorcerer.

Merlin lowers his head in relief that he wasn't forced to use his magic to defend himself against Sir Bors. He really didn't want to harm the other man or to run away now, before Arthur was safe. "Thank you," he says quietly, knowing he's been spared from having to make an awful choice.

They cannot risk a fire so close to the Bayard's campsite. They eat the cold rations from Bors's pack, and later take turns keeping a watch over the encampment where Arthur is held. In the morning, they hide the body of the soldier that Merlin had killed, and Bors takes his tunic, sword, and cloak. "These may prove useful," he says.

They follow the King and his soldiers back to Bayard's castle in the Mercian capital. Bors decides that it's too dangerous for them to find lodgings in the town. With Bayard returning with his captured prize, Bors fears that the castle guards would be too suspicious of strangers who appear close on the King's heels. They make camp in the woods well outside the gates, far from the main approach road into the town. Merlin wraps himself in the knight's cloak to sleep in the cold night air. He hurts from the blows he's suffered from the bandits, and the clout that Bors delivered after Merlin was dumped from the horse near the standing stones. He falls into an uneasy sleep.

xXx

On the morning after their arrival at the Mercian capital, they explore the town that nestles underneath the protection of the castle walls, to survey the various entrances into the castle itself. All approaches are guarded, but Merlin notices that servants appear to pass in and out unchallenged, while tradesmen and nobles are questioned.

Merlin convinces Bors to allow him to scout out the castle. "I can pretend to be a servant. No one ever notices a servant."

He waits and watches outside the main gate, looking for an opportunity to slip through unnoticed. Luck favors him when he sees a few stable boys leading a large number of horses up to the gates from the stables outside the walls. The grooms have their hands full controlling the horses and don't notice that Merlin has inserted himself amongst the animals and moves with them as if he too is handling a couple of the animals. He offers assistance to one groom who appears to be struggling with an few too many skittish stallions. The groom accepts his help gratefully with a friendly nod, and hands Merlin the reins of two of the animals. Merlin gentles the horses with a few whispered words and touches. The other groom looks over in surprise to see them calm and looks questioningly at Merlin. Merlin smiles and shrugs. The grooms, with Merlin following along in their midst, enter the courtyard and lead the horses to the main entrance of the keep, where a group of knights mill around waiting for their mounts. Merlin stands patiently among them until the horses he holds are claimed and mounted. He relinquishes the reins to the knights and steps back, closer to the entrance of the central tower.

As the Mercian knights ride out, Merlin quickly enters the central keep. He finds the servants' passageways, sneaks down to the laundry and takes a servant's tunic. He remembers these blue tunics well from the visit that Bayard and his entourage had paid Camelot. At the time, he had been buoyant and eager to please. Everything had seemed so hopeful, with the peace treaty signed and overtures of friendship between the two kingdoms. But he'd met that beautiful young serving girl who implied to him that Bayard had laced Arthur's goblet with poison. Merlin accused Bayard and drank the wine, proving it was poison; Uther had imprisoned Bayard and his retinue. Bayard had done nothing wrong then; it was the work of the sorceress Nimueh. But Bayard is responsible for Arthur's predicament now; he's holding Arthur in the castle's cells. And Merlin is donning the blue Mercian servant's tunic to risk everything to try to save Arthur again, maybe for the last time before he has to flee.

He'll need Sir Bors's help to bring Arthur safely home to Camelot. But Sir Bors knows his secret. Merlin realizes that once Arthur is rescued and home again, Bors will tell Uther of Merlin's magic, and Merlin will face execution unless he runs. He will run; he must run - to save his own life even if it means he must abandon his destiny. Merlin shakes his head and squares his shoulders. He'll think about that later. Now he needs to find Arthur.


	6. Chapter 6

While Looking for Her

Chapter 6

Wearing the blue tunic of a servant, Merlin is able explore the castle freely, trying to find the cells where Arthur is being held. He makes his way through the servants' corridors and back staircases. He quickly becomes oriented and maps out the floor plan in his head. No one questions the presence of another anonymous servant wearing Mercian livery.

He finds the kitchens and chats with other servants pretending to be a newcomer lending a hand and learning about the ways of the castle and customs of its court. He makes himself useful fetching and carrying pots and pans. A cook takes pity on him, saying he's far to skinny for his own good and gives him some bread. He grins his thanks as he puts it in his pocket. She sends him off with a platter to deliver to the great hall for the banquet being readied for the evening. While in the hall, he slips a small plate from the table, and puts some bread and cheese on it, covering it with a napkin.

Merlin reasons that if this castle is anything like Camelot, the dungeons would be at the lowest level, so he heads down whenever he can. He finally locates the dungeons at the bottom of a wide winding staircase. It's guarded by a single soldier, who looks bored sitting alone outside the entry to a hallway lined with cells.

Merlin walks boldly up to the guard and asks him, "has the prisoner had been fed yet?"

The guard stands at the sound of Merlin's voice. "Not time yet. Who are you?"

"Ah. I've brought some food. You see, I was told to get the prisoner some food, but I may have misunderstood because I wasn't sure if it was the time for him to eat, so I came down here to check. I'm new here, so I don't know how this all works. Should I go into his cell with his dinner? Where do you keep the keys?"

"On the hook by the arch." The guard looks confused. "Why?" He reaches his hand out for the plate that Merlin is holding. "I'll take it."

"Erm, I'd like to make sure that it's okay, what with the prisoner being a prince and all."

Merlin has distracted the guard with all of his chatter and managed to turn him around so he can see into the cells. He peers in through the bars and is relieved to see that Arthur appears alive and unharmed, asleep on a pallet in the far corner.

"Give it to me," the guard says.

Merlin hands him the plate with a cheerful smile, and slips away. He's thinking of how to bring Arthur out safely now that he's found him. He makes his way up through the castle, through the servants' passages and out into the courtyard to the east of the keep, close to the gate, his pace purposeful as if he has an errand to run in the town. Once through the town and outside the walls, he quickly returns to Sir Bors who was waiting with the horses in the woods.

"I've found him," he tells Bors with relief, taking a seat on the ground near Bors under a tree. "He's alive."

"Did you speak to him?"

"No, it was too dangerous; the guard was there." Merlin says.

"Was he okay?" Bors insists.

"Yeah, he appeared to be uninjured. He was alone in his cell, asleep."

"How can we get him out?"

"I've thought about that," Merlin says. "Here's my plan. I'm a servant in livery. If you dress yourself as a soldier, we can make others believe that you are escorting me to the cells for punishment for something." He indicates the purpling bruise and his swollen cheekbone from Bors's blow. "This will lend credence to the story," he says wryly.

Bors frowns at him. "Sounds risky. What if we're caught?"

"Nah, we won't be. People will always believe what they think they see. And they'll see a guard escorting a prisoner." Merlin continues, "when we get to the cells, we can free Arthur and make our escape through the servants' halls."

"And how will we get him free?"

"There's only one guard, and the keys are kept on a hook on the wall. We'll distract him and steal the key."

"Merlin, this is a crazy plan."

"It'll work. We'll disguise Arthur as another guard or something, then it will be two soldiers and a servant. No one will even look at us twice. No one ever notices a servant."

"And how will we get out?"

"I've located a passageway that will take us out of the castle, on the eastern side, closer to the gate leading to the town."

Bors still doesn't look convinced, but he dons the tunic, cape and sword taken from the dead soldier. "Ready?" he says to Merlin.

Merlin grins. "Let's go."

They enter the castle with Bors gripping Merlin fast by the arm, a servant apparently in custody. He nods to the guards at the gate and says, "a runaway servant." They wave him through with his prisoner.

Merlin leads way to the dungeons. When they get to the cells, Bors tells the new guard now on duty that he is bringing in another prisoner. However, the guard doesn't give him the keys to the cells, but makes a move to take the prisoner to put him into another cell. Bors tightens his grip on Merlin's arm and drags him along. Merlin is forced to cast a spell to knock the guard out temporarily.

"He'll sleep for a while and forget this happened," he explains.

Bors frowns at this, thinning his lips in disapproval, but says nothing. Merlin shrugs and gives him a half smile, takes the keys from the hook on the wall and rushes over to Arthur's cell, unlocking the door. Arthur is still lying on a pallet on the floor, against the far wall, his back to the door. Merlin crosses the room and crouches down beside him. He whispers, "Arthur."

Arthur jumps at the sound and turns around to see Merlin smiling at him. "Merlin, how the hell did you get in here?"

"Never mind," Merlin answers with a jubilant grin. "We've come to get you out of here."

"What happened to your face?" Arthur reaches out to touch Merlin's cheek.

Merlin winces at his touch, jerks his head back, glancing up at Bors. "Doesn't matter. Let's go."

Bors gives Arthur the sleeping guard's cape as a disguise. After they exit the cell, Merlin locks the door and hangs the key back on the hook. The three men follow the route that Merlin had mapped out in his head to the passageway leading out of the castle closer to the town gate. Once outside the walls, they sprint to the woods where Bors and Merlin had left their horses. All three mount quickly, Merlin seated behind Arthur on Llamri, and gallop away.

xXx

After several hours hard riding from Bayard's castle, they make a primitive camp in a small clearing. Merlin kneels to get a fire going to cook the squirrel he'd just killed and skinned with his pocketknife. He heads for the nearby stream to fetch water. On his way back with the full water skins, he collects more wood for the fire.

Arthur is relaxed, recovering from his ordeal of the past couple of days of captivity in Bayard's castle. Merlin digs in his pocket for the heel of bread the cook had given him earlier and passes it to Arthur and Bors. The two men are sitting on a nearby log, watching Merlin tend the fire and prepare the food.

"Well, it's better than rat," he says to Arthur, who snorts laughing in response.

"Make sure it's fully cooked, Merlin," Arthur says, still smiling.

Merlin grins back at him from where he squats near the fire. "Don't worry, it will be."

Bors chews thoughtfully on the piece of bread. He glances at Merlin one last time, then turns to look at Arthur, and says, "my Lord, there's something you need to know about Merlin."


	7. Chapter 7

While Looking for Her

Chapter 7

Merlin stiffens in alarm when he hears Bors say to Arthur, "there's something you need to know about Merlin."

He gets slowly to his feet, looking at Bors. He pleads silently, shaking his head in a silent 'no,' as tears start to well in his eyes, but Bors isn't looking at him. He's focused on Arthur, who is still staring at the fire. Merlin's greatest fear is about to come to pass. Bors had promised not to divulge his secret until Arthur was safe, but it's too soon, too soon. What will Arthur do once he knows?

"Huh? What do you mean? What about Merlin?" Arthur asks, puzzled, swiveling his head to look at Bors.

Merlin steps away from the fire, turning his back on Arthur and Bors, and moves quickly and quietly toward the horses tethered nearby. He doesn't want to wait for the inevitable revelation. He has to run. Now. He takes up the reins of one of the horses, about to mount.

Arthur looks up when he glimpses Merlin's movement out of the corner of his eye. "Merlin, where are you going?"

Merlin freezes at Arthur's words, and looks up into the woods. "They've found us!" he shouts suddenly. "Arthur! Bors! Look out!"

Five of Bayard's knights had followed their trail, and come charging in, swords drawn to do battle. Arthur and Bors draw their swords ready to repel the intruders. They each start to fight the man nearest them. Bors sees Merlin in the periphery of his vision, running back to the fire, dashing around clumsily, apparently in a panic at the attack.

Bors is stabbed in his side. He is badly wounded, bleeding heavily. He falls to the ground, still holding his sword to try to defend himself. His assailant, raising his sword with the intent to finish him off, suddenly drops, dead, with Merlin's pocketknife embedded in his chest. Bors cannot move; he looks in amazement as Merlin runs up and quickly removes the knife, putting it in his boot.

Merlin bends down and picks up the dead assailant's sword, whirling around to fend off another soldier trying to approach from behind. Bors watches as Merlin engages the other, parrying the trusts of his sword. Merlin has no grace or skill in sword fighting, no aggression; he appears to be merely trying to defend himself, allowing the other to force him backwards. After several stumbling steps, the knight pins Merlin against a tree, their swords locked together. Merlin's eyes glow briefly and the other man drops his sword as if he'd been burned, looking at his hand in astonishment; Merlin stabs him, and the soldier falls to the ground, dead.

Merlin pulls his sword free and spins around looking for Arthur. As Bors watches incredulous, Merlin bobs his head, raising his hand, and the knight rushing up to attack Arthur from behind suddenly trips on nothing and impales himself on his own short sword. At Merlin's look, another soldier, running up to join the fray, unexpectedly veers off his course and slams himself into a tree, knocking himself out as a limb falls, killing him.

Bors realizes finally what Merlin is doing. "_How did we never see?_" he marvels. To a casual observer, Merlin appears to be useless in battle, clumsy and inept, running around to avoid danger, while all the time, he is in the middle of it all, using his magic secretly, protecting Arthur. He is the key to Arthur's victories. He is protecting Arthur, saving Arthur, just as Merlin said he would do.

When he is confident that Arthur has his fight under control, Merlin drops the sword he had been wielding, and kneels at Bors's side, ripping his own tunic to staunch the flow of blood from Bors's wound. He murmurs a few words, his glowing eyes lowered, as his hands press the fabric onto the wound.

"Hang on, Sir Bors. We'll get you home," Merlin says. Bors nods, but he the edges of his vision start to go black as he loses consciousness.

Arthur fends off the man he is fighting, defeating the last of the attackers, and comes over to where Merlin is kneeling near Bors. "A brave man," he pants, bent over with his hands on his knees, out of breath from his exertions. "But you, Merlin: you're useless as usual."

Merlin ignores him, focusing on Bors's injury. The blood flow has abated, and Merlin sits back on his heels, relieved.

"Is there anything you can do?" Arthur asks.

"I'll do my best, Sire. But he's lost a lot of blood. I don't know if he's going to make it. I'm sorry." Merlin glances up, then looks more closely at Arthur, "you're hurt too. Let me see."

Arthur sits heavily on the log near the fire, allowing Merlin to look at his wounds. They do not appear to be severe. Merlin gets to his feet and hurries to the stream nearby to get fresh water to clean Arthur's injuries. The scratch on his cheek was not deep and the slash on his arm had already stopped bleeding. When done cleaning them with his neckerchief, he gets Arthur's cloak, putting it around Arthur's shoulders.

Merlin moves the bodies of their attackers deeper into the forest, away from their clearing. Bors remains unconscious; Merlin covers him with a couple of the cloaks he had taken from the soldiers. "They won't be needing them now," he says and shrugs apologetically.

Arthur looks up at Merlin, and nods once. He leans forward to put more wood on the fire. "I think the meat is burned," he says.

Merlin crouches near the fire to finish preparing the food for them to eat. "Well, you said to make sure it was fully cooked," Merlin reminds him with a forced laugh.

Later that night as they rest sitting side by side on a log near the fire wrapped in their cloaks, Merlin quietly asks Arthur, "what did Bayard want of you? Did he hurt you?"

"No, I wasn't harmed, just held in that cell. He came to talk to me is all. Not sure what he wanted though," Arthur answers. "He kept talking about the humiliation inflicted by my father during his visit to Camelot."

"He is bitter."

"Yeah. And angry," Arthur continues, "but I don't think he wants war."

"I think he's looking for an apology."

"What do you mean?"

Merlin says, a bit carefully, aware that he is trying to give advice to the Prince, "I'm just saying that I think he felt humiliated and embarrassed by his imprisonment, which he feels was not justified, and he wants Uther to acknowledge it and make amends."

"That's ridiculous, Merlin. What would you know about it?" Arthur scoffs.

"Nothing, Sire."

That night, Merlin keeps watch as the other two men rest and recover. Arthur sleeps soundly after his ordeal. Merlin wonders if he should just quietly leave, while the other two men are sleeping, before Bors has a chance to reveal his secret to Arthur. He looks over at the two men, concerned that Arthur would not be able to manage getting back to Camelot without his help. So he decides he must wait until Arthur is out of danger and safely back in Camelot. Then he will run. He will have to run before Uther knows the truth. While Arthur might not kill him immediately, Uther certainly would. Uther would believe what Bors tells him what he's observed: Merlin used magic.

Maybe he should have let Sir Bors bleed out from his wound. It would have been an easy solution. But, no. He had to use his magic to try to save Bors. Merlin isn't really sure why he did that. It was instinctual. Bors is a knight of Camelot, sworn to protect the realm and its rulers. He helped save Arthur, and defended Arthur in the fight against Bayard's soldiers. Arthur will need all the help he can muster when . . . if . . . . Merlin cannot bear to think it. Even so, he must make his plans: what he will need, where he will go. Can he really abandon his destiny to save himself?

In the morning, Sir Bors is still out cold. Merlin wraps him in his cloak make him as comfortable as possible on the horse, which Merlin leads walking, for the trip back to Camelot.

"I wonder what he wanted to tell me about you," Arthur says.

"No idea."

"Well, I'm sure he'll tell me when he's recovered."

"Yeah, no doubt," Merlin says. "And I'll be gone," he thinks, he hopes in time.


	8. Chapter 8

While Looking for Her

Chapter 8

As they cross the courtyard into the citadel once back at Camelot, Arthur calls a few knights over to take Sir Bors from his horse to carry him to Gaius's chambers. Arthur dismounts from Llamri, tossing Merlin the reins. "Take care of the horses," he orders over his shoulder as he starts to climb the main stairs to the citadel to find his father to let him know of his safe return.

Merlin scoops up Llamri's reins with those of the other horse and leads them to the stables. He sets about removing their bridles. Tyr Seward, the stable master's son, comes over to help as Merlin is getting feed and water for the horses. Merlin smiles his thanks.

"We'd heard you'd been attacked by brigands and taken captive," Tyr exclaims. "How did you escape?"

"Oh, you know Arthur's fighting skills." Merlin shrugs, smiling. "He and Sir Bors are the heroes."

"Glad you're back. My mum's just finished a batch of oatcakes. Be sure to get some for your supper. She's always going on about how skinny you are." Merlin laughs at Tyr's comment.

Done with his chores at the stables and nibbling on one of Mistress Seward's oatcakes, Merlin heads back into the castle to the chambers he shares with the court physician. He runs up the stairs two at a time, and rushes into the room. Gaius looks up at him from the stool where he is seated next to Bors, examining his wound.

"How is he?" he inquires, looking at Sir Bors. Merlin pours himself a goblet of water and sits down heavily on a bench near the front table, his shoulders slumped.

"You did well, Merlin. I think he'll recover if we can get enough fluids in him. But we'll know more when he regains consciousness."

Gaius looks closely at the swollen purple bruise on Merlin's cheek near his eye. "What happened to your face?"

"Nothing. Sir Bors was angry when the bandits left me instead of Arthur in exchange for the ransom." Merlin lowers his head in shame. "Gaius, he knows."

"Who? What do you mean, Merlin?"

"Sir Bors saw me. He saw what I can do." Merlin looks up at Gaius.

"How could you be so careless?" Gaius is angry.

Merlin shakes his head. "I was watching for Arthur, and didn't know Sir Bors was observing me when I defended myself with magic."

"What did he say?"

"He threatened to tell Arthur," Merlin says. "And he will when he awakens."

Gaius looks at his patient, then back at Merlin. "That could be at any moment, Merlin."

"I promised him I'd leave Camelot if he kept my secret until Arthur was safe. I think he was about to tell Arthur after we rescued him, but we were attacked just at that moment. He was injured in the fight, but then fell unconscious and so he couldn't speak again."

Merlin takes a deep breath. "But he will speak about it. He will. Oh, gods. After what he saw, he will." Merlin's eyes fill with tears at the thought of leaving Camelot, of leaving Arthur, "I have to run away."

Gaius starts to protest, "Merlin . . ."

"MERLIN!" Arthur's voice is heard from the hallway calling for his servant. Merlin looks at Gaius with a look of resignation.

"I'm here. What is it?" Merlin is swiping at his eyes when Arthur strides through the door to Gaius's chambers.

"What's the matter with you?" Arthur asks, seeing Merlin's gesture.

"Nothing. What is it you want?" Merlin stands to face Arthur.

"I need you to prepare my belongings for a trip back to see King Bayard, with my father and a retinue from the court. You won't be coming with me this time; my father doesn't want you to attend me."

"Why not?" Merlin questions, curious.

"Well, a small matter of your accusation that Bayard tried to poison me? That started this whole mess?" Arthur looks at him with the exaggerated patience of a man explaining the obvious to an idiot. Merlin just stares at him with his mouth open.

"Why go back, Sire?" Gaius interrupts the staring contest after a few moments. "I thought you were well away from there."

Arthur tears his eyes from Merlin's to look at Gaius, and answers, "I suggested to my father that he make amends to Bayard and apologize for his treatment here in Camelot. . . "

Merlin looks at Arthur in disbelief, "but . . ."

Arthur continues as if Merlin hadn't spoken, "and offer Bayard a new treaty between the kingdoms."

"That's good news, Sire," Gaius says.

Arthur nods, and turns to look at Bors on the patient's bed. "How's he doing?"

"He's still unconscious. Only time will tell if he'll recover."

Arthur nods again. "Take care of him, Gaius. He's a brave man. Saved my life." He motions to Merlin to come with him as he starts to leave the room. Merlin follows him out of the room shaking his head.

xXx

Gaius remains with Sir Bors to tend to his wound, and waits for him to regain consciousness. He knows that he must do everything he can to protect Merlin, at least until Arthur and the king depart. If he wakes and divulges Merlin's secret to Uther too, Merlin's life will be taken immediately. Gaius wants to make sure that Merlin will be able to leave Camelot safely. He prepares a sleeping draught for Bors, to have ready to administer when he awakens, should the need arise to prevent a disclosure of Merlin's secret before Merlin can get safely away.

xXx

The next morning, ready for the King's departure, Merlin is standing next to Arthur's horse, waiting for him, adjusting the pack behind Llamri's saddle.

"Did you pack everything I asked for?" Arthur demands as he descends the steps to where Merlin is waiting, and swiftly mounts his horse.

"Yes, Sire." Merlin answers, looking up at him. "What you'll need on the journey is in the pack here; the rest is in the supply wagon. The steward knows your bags, and will make sure they get to you when you reach Bayard's castle."

"Well, not half bad, Merlin," Arthur says with some surprise. He rattles off a list of chores for Merlin to do while he is away. The column starts to form up ready to depart.

"Arthur," Merlin says quietly and hesitantly, reaching out his hand to Arthur in supplication, touching Llamri's saddle.

"What?" Arthur is impatient to get going.

"Please don't think ill of me."

"What are you talking about? What've you done, Merlin?" Arthur looks away as his horse reacts to the sound of the horn heralding their departure. "We'll see what I think when I get back," he tosses back over his shoulder as he spurs his horse to ride out with the King's entourage.

"Goodbye, Arthur," Merlin whispers to Arthur's retreating back, tears filling his eyes, "don't hate me for what I am."


	9. Chapter 9

While Looking for Her

Chapter 9

Merlin watches the King and his retinue leave Camelot until the last member of the convoy is out of sight, shivering a bit from standing in the chill early morning air. He rubs his hands over his eyes to wipe his tears, and bows his head. It's time. He has to run. "Arthur," he whispers again, and shakes his head, his lips pressing together to hold back a sob.

Merlin returns to Arthur's chambers to set it to rights from the whirlwind of activity getting Arthur ready for the trip. He strips the bed and gathers up Arthur's dirty clothes in the basket, setting it aside by the door for pickup after he's done his other chores. After he's satisfied that the room is orderly, he picks up the basket, ready to head down to the laundry. He hesitates for a moment, his hand on the door handle, then sets the basket down again.

Having made a decision, he strides across the room into the bedchamber area to the chest of drawers next to Arthur's bed. Rummaging through the top drawer, he huffs a sound of satisfaction as his hand finds the key to the vaults. He pockets the key, crosses the room to the door, and retrieves the basket to take it to the laundries.

After dropping off the dirty laundry, Merlin detours to the vaults. He pokes his head around the corner to see the two guards lazily playing cards. He casts a quick spell to induce a brief sleep of forgetfulness. The guards slump forward where they sit. Carefully, Merlin steps around them, and walks determinedly to the barred gate at the end of the corridor. He unlocks the gate with the key from Arthur's room, steps inside, and reaches out to snatch the Crystal of Neahtid from the cushion where it rests. He almost drops it at the spark of the magic it transmits to his hand. He recovers, and finding the leather bag nearby, he puts the crystal in its bag, secreting it in his pocket, causing his jacket to sag with its weight.

Before he goes back to Gaius's chambers, he returns Arthur's key. He takes one last look around the room that he had come to know so well. It is almost like saying goodbye to Arthur yet again. He takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders, and exits the room for the last time.

In his own room, Merlin packs the bag he brought with him when he first came to Camelot; he adds the Crystal of Neahtid and his magic book. Gaius comes in with some food and water for his journey as he is fastening on a warm cloak.

He nods his head in thanks, says to Gaius, "I can't go far; I need to stay as close by as I can to protect Arthur."

"Where will you go?"

"To the cave where Arthur and I found my father in Cenred's Kingdom." Merlin tells him.

He's thought about it a lot in the past few days since he gave Bors his word he'd leave Camelot if Bors kept his secret until Arthur was safe. He knows he must stay close by, but cannot stay in the Kingdom of Camelot itself. His father had dwelled in that cave to hide from Uther when he pursued the last dragonlord when he ran from Camelot. He lived there safely for almost two decades. Merlin reasons that it would offer him the same safety.

"I can't believe that it's been less than a year since I met him and lost him," he says to Gaius with sadness. "And now I'm going to be the last dragonlord hiding from the King in the cave."

"Oh, Merlin," Gaius says, his heart breaking. "You must be careful, even there."

"Gaius, I can't think of anywhere else that I'll be safe. I can't go to Ealdor; they'll find me. It would put my mother in danger."

"Will I be able to reach you?"

"You could try one of Niniane's pigeons?" Merlin suggests, unsure that any of the birds would be able to find him outside of Camelot. He really wasn't certain how they were trained. But Niniane* had sent them to him so he could communicate with her in the Western Isles. Niniane is the court sorceress at the Kingdom of the Western Isles where magic is practiced freely. She had offered Merlin the opportunity of a magical education when he visited the Western Isles with Arthur on a diplomatic mission a few years before. He's never regretted his choice to remain with Arthur, though he still writes to her from time to time relying on the messenger pigeons she'd sent him.

"How would I even tell it where to find you?" Gaius asks reasonably.

"I dunno," Merlin confesses. "You might have to travel there yourself, I suppose."

"In that case, I guess I could bring a bird with me," Gaius manages a weak smile.

Merlin nods at the smile. He says, "if you need to find me, seek out the cave near the border town of Enged. It used to be Cenred's kingdom. The innkeeper in the town know of the cave. That's how Arthur and I found it. It's in the Forest of Marindren, at the foot of the Aora Mountain."

Gaius nods in acknowledgement. "Merlin," he starts to say something, he doesn't know what, his throat tight. He doesn't want to say goodbye, to let him go.

"I will send word when I can." Merlin is crying. "I will find a way to keep Arthur safe. There must be a way, with magic."

"Take care, my boy." Gaius enfolds the tearful young man in his arms, saying goodbye. "Keep yourself safe."

"Goodbye, Gaius." Merlin takes a long look around the room before he turns, picks up his blanket roll, shoulders his pack over his cloak and walks out the door.

Merlin goes to the stables. He knows that Sir Bors, as chamberlain, and the King will be furious when they learn that a servant running away has stolen one of the horses. And that servant was a sorcerer as well. But he is keenly aware that he must leave to escape to the cave as quickly as possible, and the trip is a long one. He must steal a horse to be well away before Bors awakens and divulges his secret. By that time, he must be far enough away that his trail is obscured and none can follow him. Quietly, he opens Cora's stall, and saddles her. He is tightening the girth when Tyr appears, startling him.

"Tyr," he stammers. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here, Merlin," Tyr says, puzzled. "What are you doing here?"

"Ah . . . erm, I, ah . . ."

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

"Yes," Merlin says. "I'm sorry. I will get Cora back to you somehow."

"Well, maybe Sir Bors won't notice she's missing until you get back." Tyr pauses. "You're coming back, aren't you? You always have before."

"Not this time."

"Merlin, no!" He looks at Merlin's resolute expression. "Wait, don't go yet." Tyr dashes off, while Merlin resumes securing his pack and blanket roll behind Cora's saddle. Tyr comes rushing back into the stables with a small package in his hand that he gives to Merlin. "Freshly baked."

Tears well up again in Merlin's eyes; he reaches out and clasps Tyr on his shoulder. "Thank you."

Merlin mounts his horse, steers her through the doors of the stables, and heads for the main gate, leaving Camelot behind. He doesn't look back.

xXx

He's caught out in a violent spring rainstorm that night, and huddles miserably in his wet cloak under a tree, unable to sleep, his thoughts in turmoil. The next day the spring sun warms the earth and he continues on, his wet clothing drying as he rides.

Merlin breaks his journey in Enged, stopping at the Inn where he and Arthur had learned the location of Balinor's cave. He remembers well the hostile stares of the crowd in the tavern when he and Arthur entered dripping wet from the rain late at night, and the relief he felt when he realized that Balinor was probably not among the group of thugs sitting in the tavern.

At the time, he had been nervous and apprehensive about meeting Balinor – his father, Gaius had told him. Arthur must have sensed his unease because he had tried to get Merlin to talk about what was troubling him. Merlin couldn't tell him, wouldn't tell him. Gaius had made it clear that Arthur could never know who Balinor was to Merlin. It was one more secret that Merlin was forced to keep. One more lie by silence. He was afraid to trust Arthur with the truth then. And now he is afraid of what will happen when Arthur finally learns the truth.

This time, the inn has a friendlier aspect, doors and windows open to the fresh spring sunlight. Merlin orders a meal and speaks to the innkeeper about arranging for a room for the night and gathering some supplies he will need if he is to take up residence in the cave. He's up and mounted early the next morning to complete his journey to make a new home for himself.

He finds the cave again easily enough, and steps inside carrying his pack and cloak. His father's belongings are still scattered about, just as he left them when he left unexpectedly to assist Merlin and Arthur. He finds a candle stub and blinks it alight.

Sitting down, Merlin rummages in his pack to find the pouch with the crystal. He removes the crystal from its pouch and holds it up to the light. It pulses with magic in his hand, glowing in the candlelight. "_Arthur_," he thinks, closing his eyes.

When he opens his eyes, they are burning with golden intensity. He stares into the crystal until the light reflected in it starts to swirl, revealing an image. Merlin sees a line of mounted men and foot soldiers marching in front of wagons laden with supplies traveling at a gentle pace along a forested road. At the head rides Arthur next to his father, sitting tall and proud on his horse.

Merlin sighs with relief. He has mastered the Crystal of Neahtid. He can find Arthur in the diamond-like facets of the crystal. He can still protect him.

A/N: * See "Destiny's Choice" by Nantasyland for the back-story of Merlin's friendship with Niniane, and "The Runaway Servant" for more on Niniane's pigeons.


	10. Chapter 10

While Looking for Her

Chapter 10

Sir Bors reawakens at night during the violent spring rainstorm, the same day Merlin left Camelot. He opens his eyes to find himself in Gaius's chambers. All he knows is that he is in pain and thirsty, so very thirsty. "Gaius," he croaks, startling the old man dozing by the fire.

"Sir Bors," Gaius gets up and walks over to him. "You're awake. How do you feel?

"Thirsty. Please."

Gaius fetches a goblet of water, and sits behind Bors to prop him up so he can drink. "Slowly, easy. You don't want to make yourself sick." Sir Bors drains the cup holds it out to ask for more. "In a moment." Gaius puts a bolster pillow behind Sir Bors so he can sit up when Gaius stands.

"What happened? How did I get here?"

"You were wounded, and had lost a lot of blood before you were brought back here. You've been unconscious." Gaius tries to explain. He fetches Bors another cup of water.

"How long?" Bors asks after he drinks his fill.

"It's been a few days."

"Where is Arthur?"

"He'll be back in a fortnight or so. He went with Uther and a small retinue back to Mercia, to treat with King Bayard."

"He's okay, then." Bors shows his relief that Arthur had survived the attack by Bayard's men. "And Merlin?"

Gaius turns away and fiddles with some implements on his workbench. "What about him?"

"Where is he?" Bors demands.

"He's gone. As he promised you," Gaius turns to face Bors and tells him with sadness in his voice. "He told me what happened. You have no need to fear him."

"He's a sorcerer! You knew this and kept it secret?"

"Yes, for Merlin." Gaius looks at Sir Bors, apprehensively. "What're you going to do?"

"I want to talk to him," Bors says decisively.

Gaius is silent for a few moments, listening to the rain. "You cannot," he answers finally. "He's gone."

"When can I travel? I want to speak to him, to understand."

"You are barely recovered. You need to rest," Gaius stalls.

"Where is he?"

"I can't tell you that, my lord." Gaius fears that if Bors finds out where Merlin is, then Uther would send knights to try to capture or kill him. "He will not harm Camelot. I can promise you that, on my life."

"No, I don't think he will," Bors says. After a moment he adds, wonder in his voice, "he saved me."

"Well, yes." Gaius offers Bors some more water. "He brought you back to Camelot with Arthur."

Bors takes a drink, then shakes his head, holding up his hand with a finger pointing at Gaius. "Yes. But I mean he _saved_ me. He _healed_ me. With magic. I felt something when he was tending my wound. He healed me."

"Ah. . . . . Yes. . . . . I see. . . . ." Gaius pauses. "Ah . . . Yes. . . Ah . . . He did." Gaius had seen the evidence of magical healing when he first examined Bors's wound. He hadn't asked Merlin about it, but he could tell what Merlin had done.

"Why would he do that? He could have left me to die; his secret would have died with me. But he didn't. Why?"

Gaius shakes his head at the mystery, the blessing, that is Merlin. He has no answer for Bors.

"Can you get word to him?" Bors asks finally. "I want only to understand, to talk to him."

"If Uther finds him, he'll be executed. I can't allow that!"

"Please, Gaius. Let him know I mean him no harm. I just want to talk to him."

"I will do what I can," Gaius promises, hoping that Bors means what he says.

xXx

When he is confident that Sir Bors is well on the road to recovery, Gaius permits Bors to leave his sick bed and return to his own chambers.

When Gaius visits Bors in his room more than a week later, Bors reminds him of his promise to get word to Merlin. Gaius is still uncertain about Bors's motives, but agrees to help, when Bors assures him again that he means no harm to Merlin. Gaius knows that he cannot trust anyone in Camelot to take a message to Merlin. Reluctantly, he asks Master Seward to lend him a horse a few days later. He packs some supplies to make the journey himself to Enged, there to find a messenger to locate Balinor's cave, and Merlin.

xXx

Merlin has made a home for himself in the cave. He's cleared out the detritus that had drifted in and has made it a relatively comfortable place, using the Balinor's belongings that he had left behind in his haste to join Merlin and Arthur. The cave offers a respite from the cold night air of early spring. There is plenty of firewood in the nearby woods and fresh clean water in the stream in front of the entrance to the cave. The water is running fast and high because of the snowmelt draining from the mountains as the sun warms the slopes.

He's not sure how long he's been living in the cave, but guesses it's been almost two weeks, given how much his beard has grown. He's seen no one in all that time. He realizes that he'll go mad from loneliness and despair if this is to be his life. Eventually, he will have to go out and seek the company of others, if only to Enged for supplies he can't find in the woods near the cave. But not yet, not until he feels safe. No one can know he is here for Uther to find when Bors divulges his secret. He can hardly bear to think of it.

He's had glimpses of Arthur when he's looked in the crystal, enough to know that the trip to Mercia with Bayard was going well. He's seen their departure and knows that Uther, Arthur and the retinue are now on their way home to Camelot. And then what? Who would Sir Bors talk to? If he tells Uther, the knights of Camelot would be looking for him to capture him for execution in Camelot or kill him on sight. Merlin is confident that he has the power to defend himself with his magic. He's killed before, many times, when Arthur's life was threatened. He's learned enough about himself to know that he would kill to protect Arthur without a second thought. Would he so easily kill knights of Camelot to save himself?

He could have easily killed Sir Bors when confronted near Bayard's camp. But he sensed that Bors wouldn't kill him. Bors was on a mission – to secure Arthur's release from the vengeful king, and Merlin shared his goal. They needed each other to rescue Arthur. But now that Arthur was safe, Bors will surely speak of what he saw when the King returns from Mercia.

Merlin frets over Arthur's reaction to learning Merlin has magic. All he ever wanted was for Arthur to trust him and to see him for who he truly was. But he doesn't think Arthur is ready to accept his magic, not with the evil he's seen magic-users do. All of the trust that Merlin had earned since coming to Camelot would be destroyed. Arthur would feel betrayed, learning that Merlin had magic and had lied to him from the beginning. Merlin fears that Arthur will hate him for what he is.

What if Arthur comes searching for him? Would Arthur kill him as easily as he did in Merlin's first dream? Would he allow himself to be killed because he couldn't harm Arthur? Or, and Merlin shudders at this thought, would his magic protect him and somehow allow Merlin to kill Arthur?

Merlin sits by the dying fire, with his head in his hands, his shoulders slumped in despair. Surely there must be a way to preserve his own life and to protect Arthur's. He may just have to keep running. He banks the fire, and lies down on his bedroll, wrapped in his warm cloak. Sleep is a long time in coming. Mercifully, he doesn't dream.

Shortly after dawn the next morning, Merlin is awakened abruptly by a sudden surge in his magic, his heart pounding. "_Arthur_," he thinks in alarm.

He fumbles around for a candle in the darkness of the cave's interior. He blinks it alight, then reaches for the Crystal of Neahtid, without knowing why. Holding it in his hand, he stares into its depths with golden eyes until the swirling light ceases and a vision appears.

He sees Uther and Arthur leading the procession across a ford in a swift moving river. Suddenly, a surge of water courses down the river, causing their horses to lose their footing. Arthur screams to the procession behind them to halt, as his horse founders. He, Uther and the two knights following close behind are swept downstream in the rushing water.

"Oh please, gods, no!" Merlin yells as he sprints from the cave to the stream.

He crashes to his knees, dropping the crystal to the side, not feeling the sharp pebbles on the creek bank bite into his flesh. He plunges both of his hands into the icy water, fingers outspread. With his hands in the water, he arches his back with his head thrown back to face up, and screams his magic up to the sky, his cry echoing until he's hoarse. Even then he continues, his throat scraped and raw. "Arthur!"

He directs his magic through the waters to surround Arthur, panting from the exertion. When he looks down at the crystal he sees that the flood had stopped long enough for Arthur's and Uther's horses to regain their footing and scramble up the river bank on the other side to make their way upstream to where the procession halted. The rest of the retinue will have to wait for the floodwaters to subside before it can safely cross. Merlin lifts his hands from the water and collapses on the side of the stream, chest heaving as he tries to calm his pounding heart. The Crystal of Neahtid is now clear and reflects only the sunlit morning sky.


	11. Chapter 11

While Looking for Her

Chapter 11

Riding a fast horse all day, Gaius realizes, isn't as much fun as it used to be when he was a much younger man. The last lengthy trip he took on his own was difficult for other reasons: the desperate ride a couple of years earlier to get to the Isle of the Blessed to offer his life to Nimueh in exchange for Merlin's mother's life. He knew then that Merlin intended to offer himself as payment to restore the magical balance of life and death, so he was driven to prevent Merlin's sacrifice. For Merlin, he would have given his life.

As the horse's stride eats up the miles to Enged, he questions why he was doing this now. If he is wrong to trust Sir Bors's assurance that he meant no harm to Merlin, and he convinces Merlin to return to Camelot, will he just be delivering the boy to his execution? Merlin was right to run for his life when he did. But maybe, just maybe, if Bors is sincere, he will keep his word and not divulge Merlin's secret. And Merlin will be safe. Or as safe as he has been living in a kingdom that executes those with magic.

He admits to himself that he is eager to see Merlin again. He has missed the boy's irrepressible joy and unconditional love that radiates from him with every smile, every breath. Merlin is a rare gift that the gods have bestowed on Camelot. He can only hope that Bors will realize this if Merlin will have the conversation that Bors wants – to understand what and who Merlin really is – and keep it secret.

Gaius reaches the tavern in Enged in the cooling air of dusk, saddle-sore and weary. He reins his horse to a stop in front near the mounting steps, grateful for the assistance to get his old bones off the horse. As he carefully climbs down, a young boy appears to take charge of the horse. "A bed for the night? And a meal?" Gaius asks.

"Inside," the boy says, pointing to direct Gaius into the inn. "I'll stable your horse, shall I, sir?"

"Please," Gaius says, grateful, as he unties his pack. He enters the warmth and light of the inn to seek out the innkeeper. When he finds the man, Gaius takes a room at the inn and orders supper.

Later that evening, as he is eating supper in the tavern, he asks to speak to the innkeeper. The innkeeper pauses at his table when he has a moment free from his duties. Gaius gestures to him to please sit on bench facing him. "Is there someone I can trust to get a message to a young man living nearby?" Gaius asks.

The innkeeper looks puzzled, but answers, "you can trust my son – he's the boy who took your horse when you arrived. Who is this person you're looking for?"

"He's a tall, dark-haired young man who has taken up residence in a cave at the foot of the Aora Mountain. He may have passed through here a couple of weeks ago."

"Ah, yes," the innkeeper says after a moment's thought. "The gangly boy. He purchased some supplies here. He seemed very nervous about staying overnight to wait for them."

"Yes, that sounds like him," Gaius admits.

The innkeeper nods, and rises from the bench. Looking around he calls out to his son to come over to speak to Gaius. When the boy Gaius has seen earlier approaches the table, the innkeeper puts a hand on his shoulder. "You can rely on Rickard to deliver your message."

Gaius describes the location of the cave as best he can to Rickard, who agrees to leave at first light the next morning. Gaius gives him a letter to take to Merlin. "Take my horse," he offers.

All he can do now is wait to see if Merlin will answer his letter or even appear himself. He makes his way upstairs to his room for the night, greatly relieved he's not sleeping on the ground out in the open.

When he appears downstairs for breakfast the next morning, he spots Sir Bors seated at a table in the back corner of the room. He walks over to him. "Sir Bors," he says angrily. "Didn't you trust me?"

"I wanted to see for myself."

"I promised you I would try to get word to him. I've sent him a message," Gaius snaps.

"Will Merlin come?"

"I don't know. We can only wait and see. He's probably afraid to show himself anywhere." Gaius says anxiously, "please don't harm him."

xXx

Later that day, Merlin comes to the inn, riding on his horse with the innkeeper's son mounted on the horse Gaius had brought. He dismounts smoothly and hands the reins to the boy, asking him to make sure the horse has water. He enters the tavern, squinting in the dim light after the bright sunshine, rubbing the beard growing on his jaw, looking for Gaius.

Instead he sees Sir Bors. He turns on his heel, and races for the door. He's almost made it out, when Bors grabs Merlin's arm and jerks him to a stop. "Let's go outside," Bors says, pulling Merlin close with a firm grip.

Merlin panics. "Sir Bors! Please, I kept my promise. I left. I will never harm Arthur or Camelot." His voice is barely more than a rough croak. "Just let me go."

"No, Merlin, not yet." Bors half walks, half drags Merlin out of the tavern to a bench nearby. "Sit."

"What are you going to do to me?" Merlin sits, shoulders slumped as Bors stands in front of him, towering over him.

"Nothing. I just want to talk to you. I want to understand why."

"Why what?"

"Why is it so important to you to protect Arthur? You're not just his servant. You're a sorcerer."

"It's my destiny," Merlin says calmly, meeting Bors eyes openly and honestly.

"That sounds like a bunch of nonsense," Bors scoffs.

"My magic is meant for Arthur, so I can help him become a great king." Merlin chooses his words carefully, knowing that Bors is a confidante of Uther's. From his previous run-ins with Bors, he knew that the knight followed Uther's commands and shared Uther's views on magic.

"Arthur will be king when his time comes, no sooner. It will have nothing to do with you."

"I'm not sure I understand it all myself, but all I know is that I must protect him." Merlin continues, "I use my magic for Arthur, only for Arthur. I always have." Merlin shakes his head. "I would never harm him or Camelot," he repeats.

He looks up at Bors again and holds his breath, waiting. He's never divulged so much to any man before. He's half expecting a blow to rain down on him, attempting to take his life. He looks at Bors steadily. He's ready to run, ready to protect himself with his magic.

"I misjudged you, Merlin." Bors says, after a long silence. "I'm sorry for it."

"It doesn't matter now. Please, will you let me go?" Merlin's voice echoes with his hope and despair.

"No. You're coming back to Camelot with me."

"No!" Merlin cries, shaking his head vehemently. He jumps up from the bench and pelts off toward his horse at a run.


	12. Chapter 12

While Looking for Her

Chapter 12

Arthur turns in his saddle after his horse climbs up the riverbank to safety to make sure his father's horse has regained his footing. Uther nods at him, waving him on, saying, "I'm fine, Arthur."

"What the hell just happened?" Arthur exclaims, looking back at the river that is now again a swiftly moving flood.

The river had been running fairly high with spring snowmelt, but the ford had looked passable enough when they started their crossing, Arthur in the lead followed by his father and a couple of the knights. The remainder of the progression was readying to start the crossing. Mid way through the ford, Arthur turned his head upstream at a thunderous noise approaching their party. It appeared to be a wall of water roaring down the river toward them. The thought flashed through Arthur's mind that some ice blockage far upriver must have burst releasing water pent up behind it. He screamed to the procession behind to halt.

Their horses foundered in the icy water, losing their footing and floated downstream, soaking Arthur's legs up to his knees. He looked over to his father, who also appeared to struggle on his horse against the raging torrent. He lost control of his horse, and barely managed to retain his seat. He feared more for his father's safety than his own. He thought that, even if his horse couldn't regain her footing, that he would be able to ride the water downstream until he could snag a branch, something, to halt his headlong rush in the flood.

But suddenly, inexplicably, the foaming torrent of water had stopped. Just stopped.

Arthur felt . . . something; he wasn't sure what: a whisper in a thought, a prayer, a desperate howl. Something, someone called his name. And the water stopped.

The water subsided to a level so that the horses were able to regain their footing, allowing Arthur, Uther and the two knights following them to scramble up the riverbank to safety. Relief at the fortuitous halt of the uncontrolled flow overwhelmed Arthur's emotions. He was safe; his father was safe.

"What?" Uther responds to Arthur's question. "Nothing happened, Arthur. We saved ourselves."

Arthur decides it's probably best never to mention the feeling he experienced when the water halted. He shakes his head as if to clear it of the memory. "Yeah, we were lucky." His pounding heart returns to normal and his breathing slows. "It was a near miss."

They turn their horses to ride upstream along the riverbank to return to their original crossing point where the rest of the entourage waits on the other side of the ford to cross the river.

Arthur and his father ride slowly side-by-side along the riverbank. "You were right about Bayard wanting an apology," Uther says after a while. "I'm pleased how this mission turned out."

Arthur looks at his father, surprised to hear rare words of praise. "Thank you, father. I'm glad Camelot has an ally in Mercia now."

"How did you know that was what he wanted? What did Bayard say to you when he held you captive?"

"He made no threats, father," Arthur says. "He asked no questions about Camelot. All he talked about was his humiliation at being held in the cells like a common criminal."

"He did present the poisoned wine in a chalice to you as a gift."

"But he didn't poison it," Arthur points out.

"It was all the fault of your servant. He made the accusation."

"Yes, and drank the poison in my stead; he almost died."

Uther looks over at Arthur as they ride, and sighs. "I told you then, Arthur, that he wouldn't be the last to die on your behalf."

"But he needn't have." Arthur says, his throat tight at the memory. "And thank the gods, he didn't."

xXx

When Merlin ran for his horse to make his escape from Sir Bors in the tavern yard in Enged, Sir Bors tried to follow, but his age and girth took their toll, and Merlin was able to flee. "Merlin!" he'd yelled. "Wait!"

Now, Bors stands at the edge of the inn yard, chest heaving to catch his breath after his mad dash to try to catch Merlin.

"Sir Bors!" Gaius calls from the doorway, stepping into the sunlight. "Where's Merlin?"

"He ran." Bors barely manages to pant out the words.

"Why? What did you say to him?" Gaius walks toward Bors.

"That we were going to go back to Camelot."

"He can't! He'll be executed." Gaius is alarmed. "You said that you only wanted to talk to him, that you would cause him no harm."

"I intended no harm."

"He'll be gone for good, now."

"We have to find him," Bors says. "He needs to be at Arthur's side."

Gaius gives Bors a long, measuring look. "What did he tell you?"

"He told me of his destiny." Bors looks off into the woods where Merlin had disappeared on horseback, frantically making his escape. "And I've seen it, Gaius. I've seen how he lives only to protect Arthur." Bors turns back and reaches out to grab Gaius's arm in supplication. "We need to get him back so he can."

Gaius nods, coming to a decision. He calls out to the innkeeper's son as he walks back toward the inn, Bors following. "Rickard, can you take us back to the cave where you found the young man?"

xXx

Merlin has arrived back at the cave after a mad gallop out from Enged. He scrambles around frantically, loading his essentials into his pack, the magic book and crystal on top. Taking a quick look around, he walks hurriedly out of the cave into the sunlight over to where he had tethered Cora. He pats her head. "I'm sorry, old girl. No time to rest."

He's mounted and turning the horse to leave when his way is blocked by three riders on horseback. He squints into the bright light.

"Merlin! Stop." He hears Gaius's voice.

"Gaius." Merlin spits out his name angrily. "How could you tell anyone where I was?"

"Merlin. Just listen to him for a moment." Gaius rides over to Merlin, and reaches out to hold Merlin's arm. Bors approaches him on the other side and tries to grab the reins. The two face Merlin on either side, boxing Cora in between them.

"No. I have to go. You won't be able to find me again." Merlin shrugs off Gaius's hand and tries to tug the reins away from Bors. He attempts to force Cora forward between the two other horses blocking her way.

"Please, Merlin." Bors raises his hand in an open gesture, still holding Cora's reins. "I promise you are safe."

"Sir Bors, you know as well as I that the King will have me executed as soon as he learns the truth."

"Not if he doesn't find out."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to tell him."

"But . . . sorcery is punishable by death. I can't go back."

"As I said, Merlin. No one will know."

"You will keep my secret?"

"Yes, Merlin." Bors reaches out, and puts his hand on Cora's saddle. "And I will leave Camelot myself to make sure it stays safe. No one will know."

"Trust him," Gaius says.

Merlin looks from one man to the other. He nods, unsmiling, and still unsure.


	13. Chapter 13

While Looking for Her

Chapter 13

Uther's return with Arthur and his entourage from his meeting with Bayard is triumphant. His procession enters the citadel in the bright sunshine of a spring afternoon to cheering crowds and waving flags. They make their way to the base of the grand staircase where Uther and Arthur dismount. They stand for a few moments near King Bruta's statue waving to the townspeople gathered there.

Merlin, Gaius and Bors had returned to Camelot, just that morning, to absolutely no fanfare at all. After he had given Sir Bors his word that he wouldn't run again, Merlin made a quick detour back inside Balinor's cave to retrieve the rest of his belongings, while Gaius and Bors waited for him outside to return to the inn in Enged. Their journey home was uneventful, the weather warm and fair for their night in the open. They'd made good time, and rode mostly in companionable silence on the main road leading back to Camelot. Merlin didn't fully trust Sir Bors, but kept his doubts to himself, since Gaius seemed to believe him.

After they passed through the gates, Merlin dismounted and assisted Gaius to get down from his horse. He took the reins from all three horses, and led them off to the stables. Gaius crossed into the courtyard to make his way to his chambers, and Bors headed to the armory, carrying his pack.

Merlin had just unsaddled the three horses and was fetching water for them when Stable master Seward walked in, trailed by his son Tyr. The young boy flashed a big grin when he saw Merlin. "See, Father" Tyr said, "I knew he'd come back."

Merlin looked up from the water pump spout and smiled back at Tyr. But when he looked at Seward's scowling face, his face fell and his eyes reflected apprehension.

"I'm sorry, Master Seward. I know I shouldn't have taken Cora without permission, but I had to leave quickly. I told Tyr that I would try to get her back to you somehow. And here she is. Please . . . "

"Merlin, the last time you pulled this stunt, you were flogged!" Seward interrupted.

Merlin cringed, and continued, "please. I'm sorry. I know. I really didn't know what else to do. Please, can you not tell the King or Prince Arthur?"

"Merlin . . ."

"I'll work to pay for taking her. Please."

"Please, father," Tyr begged.

Master Seward nodded reluctantly. "Come back later to muck out."

Merlin bowed his head in thanks. Merlin finished up with the horses, shouldered his pack and Gaius's and made his way into the Citadel. He went directly to Gaius's chambers to drop off the bags inside the door. He had just retrieved the crystal of Neahtid from his pack and dropped it in his jacket pocket when Gaius's voice startled him. "What have you got there?"

"Nothing."

"Don't give me 'nothing.' 'Nothing' wouldn't make your jacket sag like that," Gaius insisted. "Out with it, Merlin."

"I'm putting it back, right now," Merlin had mumbled, as he turned and fled the room.

"Merlin!"

Merlin intended to return the Crystal of Neahtid to its place on the cushion in the vaults and leave there immediately. He had slipped in easily enough using Arthur's key he had pilfered once again. He didn't plan to stay and gaze into the depths of the crystal one last time. But as he removed the crystal from its leather bag, its pulsing magic forced him to look, just to look, deep into diamond-like facets of the crystal. He couldn't resist.

The sun streaming in from the window to Merlin's left illuminated the crystal and the light inside began to swirl. Images began to form as Merlin watched. He saw the courtyard bathed in sunlight with the sleeping bodies of the guards, as it appeared when he and Arthur had returned from Indirsholas; he saw his own hand grab the bottle of hemlock from the shelf in Gaius's rooms; and he saw the maelstrom in the council chambers as Morgause vanished with Morgana. He groaned and closed his eyes to block the visions of the past that the crystal induced.

But when the magic of the crystal started to vibrate within his hands, he was compelled to open his eyes and stare into the diamond faceted plane of the crystal once again. The light within the crystal swirled again, and the scene shifted; no longer was he seeing memories. He saw himself and Arthur in a forest somewhere, mounted, with some knights of Camelot ranged behind them. As they sit in the smoky haze in the slanted late afternoon sunlight, a figure stumbles toward them; it was a woman apparently at the end of her strength: Morgana. The light in the crystal churned again, and Merlin saw himself, bound in chains, alone on the forest floor. He saw himself look around, struggling desperately to escape the chains, his incantations causing the chains to tighten, not release. He saw these giant insect-like creatures circling him, ready to strike, but his magic cannot repel them, cannot protect him. He is stung, and he roars out in pain. As he stared into the crystal, he was overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and fear. Morgana would be found and he would die alone in the forest, killed by those creatures. What was the point? Why did he risk a return to Camelot, if this lonely death is now to be his fate?

He threw the crystal down into its nest to stop the visions and closed his eyes tight, tears leaking out from under his eyelids. He didn't want to see anymore. He couldn't watch. He couldn't know. The crystal is dangerous. With a cry, he'd spun around and run from the vaults.

xXx

Now, later in the day of his own return to Camelot, Merlin stands in Uther's Throne Room in the shadows off to the side, half hidden by a column near the side door, facing the windows. He sees Sir Bors standing among the other knights of Camelot. He doesn't look over to where Merlin is standing. Merlin can read nothing in his face. He is still unsure what Bors will do when confronted by the King. If he must, he will flee again.

Upon his triumphant return to Camelot, King Uther had assembled the council, the knights and members of the court. Arthur sits in the smaller throne to Uther's right. The King tells the assembled court of the new peace treaty that has been signed with Mercia. The king tells the council of the success of his visit to Mercia. Not only have his and Arthur's efforts eased the acrimony between the two kingdoms, they have cemented a new alliance for Camelot.

"This new agreement will herald a new age of trade and understanding with Mercia," Uther says. "We have the Crown Prince to thank for his insight into King Bayard's thinking." Uther turns to gesture to Arthur to stand and acknowledge the his praise. "During his ordeal as Bayard's prisoner, he demonstrated his courage and fortitude. He observed and learned. And we here in Camelot will benefit."

Arthur stands and bows his head in acknowledgement of his father's praise. He starts to speak, "Thank you Sire, but it was Mer-. . . " when Uther interrupts.

"And it was through the cleverness and bravery of my chamberlain, Sir Bors, that Arthur himself was rescued and returned to us." Uther seeks out Sir Bors among the courtiers and motions him forward. "Sir Bors, you have earned honor and reward for your actions."

Sir Bors approaches the king, and bows deeply. "Your Majesty," Bors starts. "I thank you for your praise and kind words, but I did not act alone, Arthur's ser-. . . "

Again Uther is quick to interrupt. "Yes, Sir Bors, I understand that you wish to acknowledge the prince for his bravery, but you have earned your own reward."

"I thank you, Sire." Bors pauses. "But there is something that I must say."

Merlin waits, holding his breath. "_Oh gods, no. Please no_," Merlin thinks. Merlin tenses in fear, and shrinks farther into the shadows, ready to run at the first word in an accusation.

"My Lord, I wish to request permission to leave Camelot," Bors declares to the shocked murmurs of the members of the court.

Merlin sags in relief against the pillar. Bors has kept his word.

"Of course, Sir Bors. Anytime." Uther is confused; this is not what he expected to hear.

"Sire, I would like your blessing to leave to marry my betrothed, Lady Evaine, if it please you, and return home."

"You have it, Sir Bors. You and your lady will be welcomed back at any time."

"Thank you, Your Majesty."

Uther nods in acknowledgment. He says, "We have more good news to report to the council. King Bayard told me that Morgause had been seen in Mercia. Morgana must be near. We must continue our search for her. Bayard has granted us permission to enter Mercia with our men. Prince Arthur will send a patrol of men to look for her. She must still be alive."

"Yes, father. I will go immediately," Arthur says.

"Not this time, Arthur. You still need time to recover from your ordeal. Have another lead the patrol for this attempt."

Arthur protests, "but Father . . "

"No, Arthur. This time I must insist. Organize a patrol, but have another lead it."

Merlin quietly slips out of the throne room, heading to the kitchens. He prepares a tray with some food and brings it to Arthur's empty chambers. He sets the tray on the table and steps over to the fireplace to get a fire started in the hearth. He's kneeling in front of the blaze, adding a fresh log; he can hear Arthur coming down the hallway, shouting, "Merlin!"

Arthur bursts into the room, and sees Merlin rising to his feet near the fireplace. "Merlin! There you are!"

"Yes, Sire. Here, as always."

"I'll bet you haven't done anything that I asked you to do!" Arthur walks over to the table near the fireplace, smiling, happy to be home, popping a grape into his mouth. "What have you been doing while I was away?"

"Nothing."

"Well, that's certainly obvious. You haven't even shaved, you lazy idiot."

Merlin smiles. Life is back to normal.

And Arthur never asks what Bors thought he needed to know about Merlin. After all, Merlin is a constant presence at his side; what could Bors possibly tell him about Merlin that Arthur doesn't already know?

END


	14. Chapter 14

While Looking for Her

Epilogue

Merlin eventually shaved off his beard, mainly because of Arthur's jabs and complaints, though Merlin did think he looked rather distinguished. And older, definitely older.

They did find Morgana staggering up to them, lost and alone in the woods in the hazy slanting sunlight of late afternoon, just as he had foreseen it in the Crystal of Neahtid. He's lived in fear every day since then that she would tell Uther that Merlin tried to poison her. He can well imagine what would happen to him if she should. She hasn't spoken up yet, but every so often she reminds him of the power she still holds over him.

Months have passed since Cenred's siege on Camelot ended in victory for Arthur, when Merlin destroyed the staff carved from the rowan tree that raised the skeleton army. Uther's belief that Morgana was the one to destroy the magical vessel, as he called it, only seems to have increased Uther's affection for her. Uther continues to dote on her every word. Merlin feels that he is the only one who can really see what a danger she is to Camelot. But he is effectively silenced by her threat of exposure of his action when the Knights of Medhir attacked. He can say nothing, and give no warnings.

The one bright spot in the past few months was finding a friend in Gwaine, when he helped Arthur and Merlin in a bar brawl, and took a knife meant for Arthur. But Uther banished Gwaine from Camelot in his rigid adherence to the Knights' Code upon a false nobleman's false accusations. Merlin still misses his friend. He really did liven the place up.

One day shortly after noon, a few weeks after Gwaine's departure, Merlin is running through the lower town from the tavern to get back to the citadel to serve Arthur his lunch. He dashes to the kitchens and piles some plates on a tray, grabbing a jug of water on the way out.

When he reaches Arthur's chambers, he's relieved to see that the room is deserted. It appears that Arthur hasn't made it back from training yet. Sighing with relief that he's not late, he sets the tray on the table and sinks down into one of the chairs near it to catch his breath, leaning his head back.

"Merlin, what are you doing?" he hears behind him. He jumps up turning around with a start to see Arthur emerging from behind the changing screen wiping his wet face on a cloth.

"Erm, sorry Sire." He stammers, "just catching my breath."

"I'm the one whose been working out at training all morning; what have you been doing to tire you out?" Arthur balls up the cloth and tosses it behind the screen as he crosses the room to the table.

"Working at The Rising Sun. Do you have any idea how filthy those floors get? They're disgusting."

Arthur laughs as he sits at the table. "Still paying off Gwaine's bar bill, are you?" He picks up a goblet and holds it our to Merlin to pour some water for him, looking up at Merlin with amusement in his eyes.

"Well, yeah. No thanks to you," Merlin retorts, filling Arthur's goblet. "You did say that Gwaine should have anything he wanted."

"Yeah, but I said nothing about buying drinks for everyone at the tavern. Not to mention all those pickled eggs." He takes a drink of water, and sets the goblet on the table. "How much longer?"

"A couple of months." Merlin places the lunch plates from the tray onto the table in front of Arthur.

"It'll be good for you. Keep you out of trouble," Arthur says, picking up a fork. "I hope you're not working there this evening."

Merlin shakes his head. "No, not tonight. Not till tomorrow."

"Good. After you finish your chores this afternoon, I need you to attend me at the feast, and then you'll be busy getting my armor and equipment ready for the jousting practice tomorrow."

xXx

Late that night, an exhausted Merlin makes his way back to his little room off Gaius's chambers. He enters as quietly as he can, trying to be careful not to disturb Gaius who is snoring gently on his cot in the corner behind the screen. But he trips on the small stool near the cook-fire, and Gaius turns on his bed, raising his head. "Merlin?" he mumbles.

"I'm sorry, Gaius. I didn't mean to disturb you. It's very late; go back to sleep," Merlin says, climbing the few steps up to his room.

"G'night, Merlin."

He takes off his boots and his jacket, falling heavily onto his bed, with a momentary regret at not stopping by the kitchen for something to eat. He'd been too busy since getting Arthur's lunch to eat anything himself. His last thought as he falls asleep is "_tomorrow_."

But he doesn't sleep until tomorrow. Just a few hours later, he hears his name. "_Merlin_."

Turning onto his side, he folds his pillow over his head. He knows that voice. _"No. Let me sleep."_

_"Merlin!"_

_"Go away."_

_"MERLIN! NOW!"_

He bolts up in his bed, wide-awake in the dark. Bending down, he groans as he buckles on his boots, then grabs his jacket, and slips out of his room to go to the clearing beyond Camelot's walls.

A/N: This adventure continues in "Emrys Lost," by Nantasyland.


End file.
